Morse Code

1.

2002, Albuquerque, New Mexico

John fell asleep in the cough. He was watching a BBC documentary on Youtube about the Celtic culture. This is his first night at the apartment.

That afternoon, a Wednesday afternoon, he moved out. He moved out of a marriage that lasted 13 years. Before their wedding, they went to see a fortune teller. The guy said that they would only last 4 years. It lasted 13 years! Every time John thinks about it, he felt a tightness in his chest.

He did not have much time to find a place. This was not too expensive, not too old. It is very convenient. Just a 7 minute drive to work. PennSquare Apartment. Interesting name.

It was 3 am when he was awaken by a noise. A tap. A tap from the kitchen. It sounds like someone was tapping on the wall. Morse code, yes, the rhythm sounds like a Morse code, not the electric buzzing like sound, but a long short long short rhythm.

He took down his headphone, and put the ipad aside. The room is a little chilly. The only light that is on is the kitchen light. The take out Chinese boxes are still on the kitchen counter.

Tap. Tap tap. Tap.

Tap tap, tap tap, tap.

Tap, tap, tap.

Tap tap, tap tap, tap tap.

Now he got it. It comes from behind one of the kitchen cupboard. He slowly turn and walked to the stove. He opened the right side cupboard, nothing. He opened the left side cupboard, nothing.

It is 3 am. He is still tired from the move. Finding nothing, he decided to head to the bedroom and get some sleep.

The next morning, while at work, he received an interesting mail. His secretary usually throw out the junk mail. He was not sure how this one got to him. It looks like a junk mail.

Attention. Do you problem with your new place? Does it feel like there something unusual going on? It is a common scenario. Call us at 1-800-234-9999 or visit our website www.unusualplace.com

That’s it. Someone is making fun of him. How did anyone know that he moved? The only person he called last night was David who lives in Pennsylvania. No, this is a joke. He tossed the card into the trash can.

The second night was a little better, Even though he saw 24 patients that day, he was not as run down as the day before. The same Chinese takeout and a can of coke took care of dinner. It is 7 pm. He sat on the couch again, turn on his ipad, and put on the headphone. He was watching the BBC documentary about the Celtic culture last night. He noticed that he was only half way done.

He is Chinese. His grandparents are from China. There is no Celtic blood in their family as far as he can remember. John grew up in San Francisco. The family moved there when he was 6 years old. They lived in this little unit next to the busy Chinatown. He grew up watching tourists walk through Chinatown with their camera. His parents eventually open a store and sell tourist stuff. After school, he needed to go to the store and help. Most of the time, he has to fold the souvenir T shirt. Most tourist will pick up the shirt, take a look and just put it down.

The only Irish person he knew then was Mr. McDowell. He is the delivery man from a company which makes the T shirt that they sell. Once a week, at 3 pm, on a Wednesday, he will show up with his little van, park in front of the store, quickly unload the T shirts, get a quick signature and drive off. He loves to smoke a pipe. He wears a flat cap like most Irish. One time John heard him mention something about golf. He was talking to his dad, saying something like, “Yes! It was a hole in one! My first one! 140 par yards par 3, number 2, it was an easy 6 iron, just carried the bunker, two hops and rolled straight into the cup!” John can still remember his smile. It was smile like he just won the lottery.

One day, in the summer of 1971, Mr. McDowell showed up at the store. It was a slow day for business. There is really no rhyme or rhythm to it. That’s how business is in Chinatown. It can be in the middle of a holiday season and business can be dead. He asked John’s dad and see if he can bring John to the golf course to play.

They went to the Golden Gate Golf Course, right in the middle of the Golden Gate State Park. Mr. McDowell handed John a 7 iron. He showed John how to hold the club. Then that’s it. “Let’s play my son!” He said. Being a golf course in the middle of the city, it is not very long. When we got to the first tee, Mr. McDowell gave John a putter, a tee and a ball. For John, that was the best Christmas gift in the middle of summer.  John can see that Mr. McDowell is a regular player there. He knows everyone. They were very lucky that day again because the course was not busy.

The first hole is 280 yards par 4. A slight dogleg to the left. Part of the green can be seen from the tee. John put the ball on the tee, put his hands on the club, set up, turn his body and made a swing. The club head came in contact with the ball and just like that, the ball went up the air, form a nice arc and landed 100 yards in the middle of the fairway. That was his first day on the golf course. His first date with golf. He forgot how long they were out here. All he remember is that after dinner that day, he went to bed with his two new friends, a seven iron and a putter.

Mr. McDowell works 5 days a week. He is off on Tuesdays and Sundays. That summer, they became a regular twosome every Tuesday. He made the game fun. They do not keep score. Mr. McDowell taught John how to be creative with his 2 clubs. His putter can be used not just on the greens. He used it from the fringe, sometimes even out of the bunker when the lip is low. With his 7 iron, he learn to control his distance by limiting his back swing. Most importantly, they walk and talk.

Just like John, Mr. McDowell was not born in America. He also came as a child. He started playing golf when he was growing up in Ireland. Over there, they play the links course. They are right next to the sea. They have to deal with wind and a rough terrain. The golf courses were not as manicured. They pretty much talk about anything under the sun. Mr. McDowell treated John like his son.

When John met him, he was single. John was 10 years old and he was 30 years old. He was married once. They did not have any children. John did not really ask him a lot about his marriage because he does not seem to enjoy talking about it. So, they talked about golf, golf and golf.

Sometimes he will refer to life also. He would say, “John, golf is a game of opposites. The easier you hit, the farther the ball goes. If you hit down, the ball goes up. The lower score wins the game. Just like life. There will come a time that you will understand. In life, sometimes the harder you try to get something, the harder it is to get…” John usually nods his head, as if he truly understand.

At 9 pm, John was ready to go to bed.

Tap, tap, tap, tap tap, tap tap, tap tap, tap, tap tap.

There it is. There is that sound again. John got up and walked to the kitchen.

Tap, tap, tap, tap tap, tap tap, tap tap, tap, tap tap.

This time, John can hear it clearly. It is from the cupboard above the microwave.

“Mouse? This apartment is old. Maybe it is a mouse trapped in there.” John thought.

Tap, tap, tap, tap tap, tap tap, tap tap, tap, tap tap

“No. It is too rhythmic. It sounds like…it sounds like Morse code!”

John was excited about this. He remembered what Mr. McDowell told him before. Mr. McDowell was in the navy for a short period. In one of his stories, he told John above the signal for help, SOS.

With Morse code, it is short, short, short, long, long, long, short, short, short.

That used to be the secret code between him and Mr. McDowell.

John sat on the bar stool and listen.       

Tap, tap, tap, tap tap, tap tap, tap tap, tap, tap tap

“Yes! It is SOS! Just like the first time Mr. McDowell showed it to him.

They were standing at Mr. McDowell’s apartment kitchen. He walked over to the cupboards, hooked his right index finger and knocked at the cupboard.

“Tap, tap, tap, tap tap, tap tap, tap tap, tap, tap tap”

“Remember John, that’s the code for help, SOS.” Mr. McDowell said. “That’s our secret.” He said it with a wink.

 

2.

1997, San Francisco, California.

John completed his residency in Family Medicine. He was excited to get to his new job. But he stopped by San Francisco for a week to visit with family. Mr. McDowell was very sick. With his years of smoking, lung cancer came along. He spoke to Mr. McDowell almost weekly during his last year of residency training. Now that he is moving to northwestern Minnesota for his job, he wanted to see Mr. McDowell.

It was a Tuesday afternoon. He got off the BART, walked two blocks south from Market street. It was a two story apartment. John stopped at the door and knocked. Someone opened the door, it was not Mr. McDowell.

“Hi, I am Judy. I am the nurse from hospice.” A middle age nurse extended her hand with a smile.

“Hi, I am John Wong.” John shook her hand. His mind was somewhere else. “Hospice? Where did that come from?” John was confused. Mr. McDowell did not mention anything about hospice, All John knew was that he has completed his radiation treatment and is doing well. Hospice?

John walked into his bedroom. He was laying on his bed. His hair was really thin. There was an ash color to him. The eyeballs were slightly sunken. He was having some hard time breathing.

John sat down and hold his right hand. Mr. McDowell opened his eyes. There was a sudden sparkle when their eyes met. Mr. McDowell smiled.

“It is good to see you John!” he said.

“It is good to see you too!” John replied. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“I am sorry. You were so busy with your residency training. I did not want to add more burden.” Mr. McDowell looked away.

John sighed. “I know, I saw many of my patient’s family do that.”

Mr. McDowell looked back and said, “John, it is time for me to tell you a secret.”

John took a deep breath. “Secret. More secret?”

 

3.

1959, Xiamen, China.

James McDowell was eighteen years old. He left three months ago from his homeland of Dublin, Ireland. Growing up, he works with his father at the brewery. It was the famous Guiness. He decided to quit school after two years of high school. Books were not his interest. His father has been working at the brewery for thirty years. It was easy for him to get in. He started at the warehouse, loading cases of beer into the truck.

After 2 years of working at the brewery, James found a flyer about a ship that will be leaving London to go to Xiamen, China. They were looking for workers. The ship is called “China Luck”. James does not know must about China at that time. He had a vague impression. Their history book briefly mention the Great Wall and the dynasties in China. The opium war between China and Britain brought some attention.

No one in his family has ever left Dublin. His grandparents and great grandparents were all born and raised there. But there that little voice that kept coming to him. “Go for it! Go for an adventure. China Luck is a good sign.” He tossed and turned that night. He put the flyer under his pillow. That night he had a dream about China. He saw a port. He saw some Chinese characters. He saw a Chinese lady about his age. When the lady was about to turn, he woke up.

When he returned from work the next day. His mother was holding the flying in the kitchen. “James”, she asked, “What is this all about?”

“Mother, it is a trip to China. They need workers in the ship.”

“Are you planning to go?”

“I am still thinking about it. I do not know.” James replied.

“No one in our family has ever left Dublin. I believe it is a good idea.”

“Really? I had a dream about it last night. Maybe it is a good idea after all.”

With his mother’s blessing, James decided to sign up for it. A month later, he boarded the ship. China Luck. Those big words were painted at the front of the ship. The ship was so big that he really has to raise his head to see. He was excited.

Two months later, the ship finally found the port of Xiamen. They have one week to unload and load and then return to London. Like most of the workers, James spent the first night at the bar. He looks much older than his age. There is really no age limit for drinking. They had beer after beer until it is time to return to the ship.

 

4.

Gulang Island is a tiny island off Xiamen. They took a little ferry boat to get there. In the island, there is the American and British embassy. James and his friend Patrick decided to go there the day before they are leaving Xiamen. Someone told them that it is a beautiful and peaceful island. Since they did not have anything planned, they took the trip. It took 30 minutes for the ferry to get there. Most of the passengers are locals. People do live in the island. They have to go to Xiamen to get some of their necessities.

From the pier, they wondered into the British embassy complex. It has a big metal gate. A beautiful garden in front. The guards were kind enough to let them wonder at the garden. Since they really do not have anything planned for the day, they just sat there.

Before long, a shadow caught James’ attention. A lady wearing the dark blue shirt and pants walks across the garden and towards the main door of the embassy. She was carrying a basket. The guard at the door seems to know her. He opened the door for her. After 20 minutes, she came out again, still with the basket, but it seems that the basket is lighter. As she walk into the garden again, their eyes met. She stops.

“Hi!” James said.

She nodded.

For some reason, it seems that they have met before. She is about James’ age. Dark long hair braided into two ponytails. Oval shaped face with dark brown eyes. She seems shy but something also kept her in her tracks.

When two soulmates meet, there is no reason to explain why things happen. After their first eye contact, they remained attracted to each other. James can see from those pair of brown eyes that this is the lady of his dream. In fact, this is the lady in his dream before he left Dublin.

Time stood still. James forgot all about his friend Patrick. He stood there.

Finally, she said, “So, are you going to tell me your name?”

James smiled. “I am James. James McDowell. How about you? What’s your name?”

“Mei-ling. Song Mei-ling.”

“May-ling.” James repeated. “May-ling. Is that how you pronounce it?”

“Pretty close!” Mei-ling replied.

“What brought you here, May-ling?” James asked.

“Our family do the laundry for the employees of the embassy. I come here every few days to deliver the clean clothes.” Mei-ling replied. “How about you? Why are you here?”

“I am from Dublin, Ireland. I came here with the ship. We are actually leaving tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? Why so soon?”

“Well, I have no control of it. That is the plan. But look, it is early afternoon. You can show me more about the island.” James eagerly said.

James and Mei-ling walked around the island. There were many big trees. In a plaza, James saw two older gentlemen playing Chinese chess under one of the trees. There were children laughing and playing. James stopped and absorbed what he is seeing. Mei-ling smiled.

“Why? Why are you smiling?” James asked.

“Nothing. It is nice to see that you like the place.” Mei-ling replied.

“I love it! It has such a calm feeling. It feels like I have been here before.”

“And it feels like you have seen me before, right?” Mei-ling added.

“Wow, you just read my mind!” James looked at her. There are many things in life that cannot be explained. He travelled half way around the world to meet her. He knows that they are meant to be together.

“Shall we?” Mei-ling pointed towards one of the alley. “Let go to my home.”

The houses in Gulang island are made of bricks. The roofs have beautiful pointed wooden carving. The red tiles that they use for the roof are very practical. One tile on top of another. As the walk in the alley, James feels like he is walking in a maze. It leads from one scene to another. Everything is so new to him and yet there is a feeling of familiarity.

Mei-ling stopped at one of the houses. It has a pair of wooden doors. She pushed it open. A little court yard is in view. They step into it.

“Mom, I am home!” Mei-ling yelled.

There is no answer. “Mom, I am home!” Mei-ling yelled again.

“Well, I think she must be in the market. She told me earlier that she needed to make a special dish tonight.”

James stood at the court yard. There were laundry all over the place. There is a well to the right. In front of him is the main house. It takes three steps to get in. He does not know how to call this. A room with pictures on the wall. There is incense in front of the pictures. It does not look like a foyer. A family room? A living room? A room for the ancestors?

“Come, let me show you around.” Mei-ling tagged him sleeves.

Mei-ling showed him the house. There are three bedrooms. There is a kitchen that is detached from the main house. There is also an outhouse.

They were at the kitchen when James stood close to Mei-ling. She is happy. It seems like she met an old friend. James is happy too. This experience is beyond his dreams. His mother told him to embark on an adventure. What an adventure it is.

When Mei-ling finally stopped moving, James had a better chance to look at her.

Dark black hair. It is parted on top and comes down as two ponytails. She tied a red ribbon at the end of end ponytail. Good luck, I guess. The Chinese love the color red. Her oval face is smooth. She has the typical slanted eyes of a Chinese. She is much shorter than James. The top of her head is right at the level of James’ nose.

Time froze. Every movement seems to be slow. Mei-ling looked up. Their eyes met. There is an attraction that pulled them closer. James can smell flower, maybe Jasmine. His heart is pounding a little faster. He put his left hand behind her head and his right hand on her chin. Everything around them disappeared. Mei-ling closed her eyes and lean forward. James closed his eyes too. There is no sound around them except their pounding hearts. James’ lips touched something soft. A bolt of electricity ran through him. He was ready to melt. All he knew is the smell of Jasmine, a soft moist lip on his lips, and a warm body attached to his body.

 

5.

James decided to stay in Xiamen. He did not board the ship back to London. He found a job delivering newspapers. That was enough for him to have three meals. The owner of the newspaper company has a little room at the back of the office that became his new home. He works seven days a week. On Friday afternoons, he would take the ferry to Gulang Island. Mei-ling would meet him at the pier. They would sit there the whole afternoon, exchanging stories from the week’s work. James always has funny stories from the newspaper company. Sometimes he would have interesting stories from his adventure on the streets. He also would bring hot pastries from the store by the pier in Xiamen.

One afternoon, as James happily walks toward Mei-ling, he noticed that Mei-ling is not smiling. James sat her down. Her eyes were actually teary. Something is wrong.

“May-ling, what happened?”

Mei-ling pulled back her gaze from the sea, looked at James and said, “James, I am pregnant!”

James looked at her. It felt like his heart skipped a few beats. Pregnant. Baby.

There was total silence. Many thoughts went through James’ mind. What to do? He has no answer.

Finally, James collected his thoughts and said, “May-ling, at our state, we cannot afford to raise a child. I also do not believe in abortion.” He paused. “I think we should the baby up for adoption.”

Mei-ling’s mind is somewhere else. She did not sleep last night. In a small village like Gulang Island, she cannot be seen pregnant. Adoption is not in her mind. The most immediate question is: What do I do with this pregnancy?

There was another long silence. They stayed like that for the rest of the afternoon. Sometimes silence is the best answer.

 

6.

1997, San Francisco, California

John heard enough.

It turns out that he is not who he thinks he is. He is actually a blend of Irish and Chinese blood. He was left at the orphanage to be adopted. His parents were young and clueless about life. He felt cheated. He stood up and walked out. Judy, the hospice nurse, tried to stop him. It was too late. He was full of anger.

He took the BART and went to Chinatown. He wanted to stop by the store but decided not to. He needed to walk and think. But when he pass by the Catholic Church, somehow there was a pull that lead him inside.

He sat at the last pew. This is a good place to sit and clear the mind. The church is empty. It is quiet. The altar is clean and bright. He can see the candles with its dancing flames.

John tries to put everything together. His biological father is from Ireland. He is the person who taught him how to play golf. His mother is a young lady from Gulang Island in southern China. He was left at the orphanage when he was a few months old. His present parents adopted him and brought him to United States of America. They took care of him like their own child. It does make sense now why he loves the flat cap and why he picks up golf so easily. He felt bad that Mr. McDowell is dying but the feeling of betrayal overwhelm him.

He sat there, for hours.

When he left the church, it was dark outside. He returned to his parent’s home.

As he lay in his bed that night, he could not shake all the thought that has been following him the whole day. He loves Mr. McDowell, but he now feels betrayed and hurt. Why does his life need to be like this? He stared at the blank ceiling.

“No, I refuse to talk to him anymore.” John thought.

 

7.

2002, Albuquerque, New Mexico

John was invited to a meeting with the medium. He was hesitant to go. But with all the tapping that he is hearing, he decided to go.

He went with Ben, another physician in his office. Ben was going through his own challenges in life. Ben calls it “Midlife Burnout.” They are about the same age.

They arrived at the hotel about 15 minutes before the start of the program. Interestingly, the hotel is shaped like a pyramid. “A meeting with a medium inside the pyramid!” John thought about that when they were at the lobby. The ballroom was a typical one. It was bare. Just a stage and chairs in front. “Well,” John thought, “What’s important is the presentation and not the venue.”

There were about 400 guests that night. John and Ben decided to sit at the very last row. That’s a habit that they picked up when attending conferences. If the talk is too boring, they can sneak out. Also, since they called from the answering service from time to time, it is easier to go to the lobby and answer the call.

John was wearing his new red shirt. It was a bargain. He picked that up from Kohl’s for $4. He also put on a checkered red tie with black squares and Viagra pills, a gift from the pharmaceutical company during the days when they can still give out gifts.

John kept on thinking about his fight with his thoughts. He was angry. He is not happy with his life. First, his struggles with his father. Then with his wife. He felt lost, totally lost. He was still in his thoughts when the host of the show welcome the guest.

“Good evening Ladies and Gentleman, let’s welcome Mr. Joe Whittaker!”

They all applauded. Mr. Whittaker jumped up the stage. Yes, he literally jumped up there. This guy is full of energy. It is John’s first time to a gathering like this. People were sitting eagerly to hear and see. Joe took the microphone and told a joke. The crowd laughed and relaxed. He walks around the stage. He seems to be trying to sense something from the audience.

“I see golf.” Joe said. “Any golfer here?”

John had his arms crossed. Yes, he plays golf but there must be many golfers in this room.

He saw Joe leaving the stage and walking towards him.

Joe stopped. He said, “Does China makes sense?”

Now this caught Joe’s attention. Golf and China. He uncrossed his arms and sat up straight.

“I see a beautiful couple. Young and energetic. The young man wears a flat cap. The young Chinese lady wears two ponytails. Do you understand?” After Joe said this, he looked at John.

John does not know what to do or think. Golf, China, flat cap and ponytail. His mind flashed back to the day he sat next to Mr. McDowell. The day he stood up and walked out. He felt his anger again. Fury. It is the same angry that allowed him to make up his mind and leave his wife.

John nodded. “My father and mother met in Xiamen, China in 1959.”

“The gentleman is pointing to his chest. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I got it. My father died from lung cancer.” John replied.

“He wants you to know that he is sorry. He is sorry to leave you in China. He was young. He was scared. He does not know what to do with a new born baby.” Joe rattled all those out.

John felt his anger rising to his face. He felt stuck to where he is. People are watching him. There he is, in the middle of this group of unknown people, in front of this stranger who knows something about his past. His feels his tears pooling in his eyes.

“Let it go. Go ahead and cry.” He heard a voice.

John bend over, covered his face with both hands. The tears are now pouring. The mixture of feelings rushed through his mind. ANGER, GUILT, LOVE, FORGIVENESS…

Why do similar issues recur? Why? Why do I have to deal with these emotions again? First from feeling abandoned by his parents, then after 13 years of marriage, he has to feel these emotions again.

“Crying is our way of opening the dam so that we do not break the dam.” A thought came to his mind.

He looked up. He stood up.

John asked Joe, “Can he hear?”

Joe said, “Yes he can. Go ahead and talk to him.”

“Dad, I am also sorry that I walked out on you. It was too much for me to handle. That day in San Francisco, I was tired. I was getting ready for my new job. I was surprised to know that you are in hospice. You did not tell me that before. I am sorry that I did not go to your funeral.” John stopped. Tears kept coming. Ben handed him a tissue. After he clean up, he said, “Thank you for this closure. Thank you for coming tonight. Thank you for a chance for me to say sorry.”

John sat down. He did not remember much about the rest of the evening.

When John got home that night. He called his wife. John has learned forgiveness. The meeting with his father opened his heart and mind. He wants a new beginning. He wants to communicate with his wife now and not through a medium later.