Practice Dying

I have been doing a self-improvement project for the last 20 days. I am following a book by Denise Linn called Soul Coaching.

The topic for yesterday was “Facing your Death and Embracing your Life”.  One of the homework yesterday was “practice dying”. She wanted us to visualize ourselves dying. “The more you can accept and even embrace the fact that your body will die, the less the fear of death will subtly penetrate into your daily life. The less the fear of death you have, the more fully you can live in the present moment.”

I know that this may not be a comfortable topic for some people. If you are one of them, please stop reading.

The year is 2037, it is spring time. I turned 75 years old this past December. I am living with my wife in Alhambra, California. My wife and I moved here when I turned 60. We chose this location because as Asian American, we missed our food.

My life is simple. I play golf at Alhambra Golf Club every Monday and Thursday. I play with a regular foursome. We are always the third group to tee off. It is usually around 6 am. We all carry 5 clubs only. They call us the Five Club Foursome. We have fun. We do not keep any score. Golf is really a walk in the park!

Today is Thursday. I had my usual soy milk in the morning. I brought my snack to the golf course. We played 18 holes with our five clubs.

I had my lunch with my wife at home. Since there is a big Asian population here, we can buy a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables. Lunch was as usual. I ate a cup of steamed rice with a dish of vegetable and a dish of meat. I took a nap after lunch. Then I walked to the nearby library to read. I got back at 5 pm and was ready for a light dinner.

Bedtime was 9 pm. I hugged my wife and kissed her on her forehead and said good night. As usual, I go to bed earlier. Her bedtime is 1 am. I went through my routine. I brushed my teeth, changed and went to bed. Within a few minutes, I was sound asleep.

Something happened at 2 am. I was not sure if it was a dream or not. I could not breathe. I thought I was under the comforter. I tried to move it out of the way. I took one big breath and everything went quiet. My heart stopped pumping because of a massive heart attack. It was game over.

I can see myself from above. My wife was sleeping quietly. I had a peaceful look on my face. The next thing I knew, I was sitting at the beach at Long Beach, California. The sun was rising from the east. The sunlight turned the surface of the water golden.

I can see a small boat going off the harbor. I can see my wife, my son and my daughter. They were all wearing black. My wife was holding an urn.

The boat headed west into the Pacific Ocean. I was born and raised in the Philippines which is on the west part of this ocean. I lived in America for 45 years. It was an easy decision to make when we were discussing where to spread my ashes after my cremation.

The wind was blowing west. When the boat was about 15 miles off shore, it stopped. My wife opened the urn and poured the ashes. The wind carried it into the air. With the golden rays of the sun, it also turned gold. It is as if thousands of pieces of gold float in the air. Before long, it all settles on top of the water. A few minutes later, it all disappeared.

The wind stopped blowing. The boat stopped rocking. Out of nowhere, a seagull soared towards the sun. Life goes on.